El Coche – 1.5/5.0 Jarritos

Want to go to a taco stand that simply mails it in? Check out El Coche in downtown Los Angeles.


If La Taquiza stands on one end of the Tacos & Ramen spectrum, guess where El Coche would stand? It’s as if El Coche doesn’t even try to produce a good taco. El Coche represents the walking dead.

My friend, Seamus McCallahan (alias), invited me to check out El Coche, located in downtown L.A. in the basement of the Paul Hastings building. He warned me (and seemed genuinely proud of informing me) that this place might receive the first ever 1 Jarritos rating. Thanks to my generosity and the self-serving salsa bar, El Coche will instead receive 1.5 Jarritos.

The setting? Clean, wide open, and containing tables made from milk crates.



I tried sitting at these tables. Tried. Apparently, El Coche forgot to measure the height of these tables and the accompanying chairs. The tables are way too high for the seats they chose. I know, I know. Such a little thing in the grand scheme of things. However, people tend to forget – it’s these little things that piss me off in life.



I should’ve known right then and there that El Coche was going to fail miserably.

No al pastor at El Coche, so I ordered one asada and one pork. The tacos are quite large, so I was originally glad that my combo came with only two tacos and a soda.



Unfortunately (for El Coche), I was unable to finish the second taco.

The asada? Imagine buying a piece of flank steak at Ralphs, taking the plastic wrapper off, and then slapping it on a frying pan. I think the concept of marinating the meat with spices is a foreign concept to El Coche.



Putting unseasoned meat in your tacos is a pretty damn bold move. In my mind, the only possible way you could break the 3 Jarritos barrier with unseasoned meat is by having cilantro coated in stardust and onions soaked in pure heroin. Ooh, and maybe a tortilla made from ground unicorn horns.


[The best ad I've ever seen.]

The carnitas? I couldn’t finish it.

I'm not sure if it’s because the carne asada was so awful, or if it’s because the carnitas was so awful. Probably both. It didn’t help that the onions were cut into dice-sized chunks. It didn’t help that the tortillas were plain. It should’ve helped that I was downing soda to wash the awfulness down the pipes. But the fact remains – in the year that I’ve been eating tacos for this blog, I’ve NEVER not finished my tacos.

In all honesty, just thinking about El Coche’s tacos has simply sapped my creativity. I literally cannot come up with anything to say about these tacos, good or bad. I feel like I’ve regressed to 1st grade:

El Coche.
I ate two tacos.
One taco was beef.
One taco was pork.
They were both bad.
Very bad.
But they had free salsa.
I like free salsa.
1.5 Jarritos.

Sometimes, simple is the way to go. Simplest? Crap, whatever.

El Coche
Address: 505 South Flower Street, Los Angeles, CA 90071 (Located in the food court in the basement of the Paul Hastings building, across from GNC and Starbucks)
Google Maps: link

Much love till my next post.